Battling Alzheimer

Okay, this is my last post on the whole dementia, Alzheimer’s and sex subject. But this subject really has me thinking about the rights of people with dementia.

Is a 14 or 15 year old any more able to give consent than a person with dementia?

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Okay, so let’s finish this conversation.

Like I said the other day, if you want to see anyone on the caregiving spectrum from a teenager to an adult child blush-talk about their loved one’s sex life.

I mean, I am grown, have children of my own and have literally written the book on teen sexuality (Straight Talk, How Teens Make Wise decisions About Love and Sex, Review and Herald, 2000). Yet, I just can’t imagine my mom and dad uh…..er…..um….. well, you know…having (whisper) sex. And furthermore, I really wouldn’t want to have to make decisions about their sex lives, especially when they were in their golden years and one of them had already died - because that would mean that one of my parents was having sex with someone other than my other parent.

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If you want to make a teenager or young adult blush, mention their parents having sex.

Let’s face it, there aren’t very many “children” be they teens, young adults, baby boomers or elderly who want to talk about their parents (aunts, uncles, grandparents) um….er……uh sex life.

Now, toss in dementia affecting one or both of the parties, and now you’ve really got something to talk about or not talk about.

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This post discusses brain games and other activities that may delay the onset and reduce the impact of Alzheimer’s disease and dementias

I want to say off the bat that I am quite familiar with Alzheimer’s disease and I am fully aware that there is not a game around that will prevent it from running its course.  So, my intent is not to provide snake oil or false hope.  Brain activities such as video games, crossword puzzles, sudoku checkers and chess to name few do have thier place though.  They provide activity and exercise for the brain, they require hand eye coordination and they require more complex thought than does say listening to the radio or watching TV.  In addition, in all honesty, they might keep your loved one busy enough to provide you as a caregiver a few moments while you attend to dinner or take care of other responsibilities.

As a person who suffers with Alzheimer’s disease or other form of dementia, these games can provide a great escape.  doing theme related crossword puzzles or word-finds is a great way to relax and remember a time that was much more carefree and much less confusing than these days are.  Sudoku and chess are great games for those who are still able handle the complexities associated with those activities.

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The terms dementia and Alzheimer’s are often used interchangeably.  In fact, dementia is not Alzheimer’s and Alzheimer’s is not dementia, although, they are certainly related.

For example, let’s say you your stomach is bothering you. You can’t eat much and it’s difficult to drink.  At first you shrug it off and hope you’ll lose a few pounds, but then you try to ignore it and finally attempt to soothe it with over the counter medicines, nothing works.  You call your Dr. and make an appointment. A couple of days later, you find yourself in the Dr’s office.  She asks you some questions, examines you and declares, “You have an acute pain in your stomach.”  You think to yourself, “Uh….duh……tell me something I don’t already know.”

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Basic guides for relatives of people with Alzheimer’s say, “Don’t get upset about what they say or do. If they lash out at you or don’t remember you, it’s the disease talking. It’s not them. Don’t take it personally.”

I can appreciate that advice and I’ve tried to follow it. Though it’s hard to watch someone acting violently or hatefully, and tell yourself it’s not them. Because it sure looks like them. They are living in the same well-beloved body you remember. I try to think prosthetically. If they were twenty years old, with a fever of 104, it might well be the disease talking then too. I want to have the same patience now that they are ninety years old.

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